What You Need to Know about Relationship Counseling

It is a widely known fact that couples, of all types, face issues and challenges in the relationship where the intervention of a third party could help them make progress. This is because the third party is an individual who is not directly involved in the relationship and hence can provide the couple with their unbiased perspective.

It is for this very specific reason that couples from all walks of life opt for Relationship guidance Counseling in Perth. The Counseling would be done by a clinical psychologist who is a trained and learned professional who implements their expertise to understand their patient's condition and offer advice in the context of their relationship .

Traditionally this is done in person where the couple is seated in a room with the therapist. The same session can also be carried out through online means. The benefits of relationship guidance Counseling and therapy are meant to aid couples facing a diverse range of issues, by helping them resolve conflicts, stress management, premarital counseling, communication coaching and so much more.

This requires them to use a vast range of methods and techniques for instance physiotherapy, mindful practices, cognitive behavioral therapy and various other strategies.

In this blog, you will read about the significance of relationship counseling; its need, benefits and aspects that require a couple's consideration before proceeding.

What is Relationship Counseling ?

Also known as couple's Counseling or couple's therapy, is a psychotherapeutic process that emphasizes improving romantic relationships. The couple can work closely with the therapist who will actively help them discover and explore the issues that they are faced with in the relationship, unable to improve their communication, method or language of interaction which can empower them to resolve those conflicts effectively.

Take note that relationship Counseling can help couples at any stage in their relationship. Even those who are happy and living a healthy relationship can opt for relationship Counseling to maintain that level of communication and connection.

When is it best to Seek Relationship Counseling ?

Traditional knowledge dictates that people should only seek relationship Counseling when they facing a crisis in the relationship, for instance, separation or divorce. Unfortunately, the prospects of saving the relationship are at their slimmest.

The ideal moment to get into relationship Counseling according to experts is when the problems and issues have already begun to interfere in their daily life.

The following signs should help indicate when it is prudent for a couple to visit the relationship counselor ;

(A) When any member of the relationship is facing trouble expressing themselves to one another.

(B) They have more than one unsolved disagreement.

(C) Their interaction with each other is laden with criticism, withdrawal and contempt for each other.

(D) A recent stressful event has shaken the couple's composure.

(E) They feel unable to take decisions together.

(F) They desire a stronger and healthier relationship.

Note :- There is no such thing as a wrong reason that a couple might have to seek relationship counseling. There are many instances where couples have started relationship Counseling before their marriage due to obvious reasons so that they can build a strong foundation in the relationship and prevent any severe issues from developing early on. Maintaining a strong relationship is a skill like any other. Relationship counselors can help couples become better at communicating with each other, thus enabling them to improve their happiness with time.

Research has revealed that the average couple can take over 6 years to start seeking counseling. That is more than enough time for their issues to fester and become even harder to resolve later on. Thus, it is better to acknowledge these issues as early as possible by seeking couples therapy much sooner.

Relationship Counseling is not just meant for married or romantic couples, even though that is the most common purpose of seeking relationship counseling. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can also help resolve issues arising in other types of relationships such as sibling or LGBTQ couples, or even partners engaged in business together.

What can be Learned during Relationship Counseling ?

The reasons why any couple seeks relationship Counseling are vast and diverse. Some of them may be looking for help to overcome a traumatic experience such as an act of infidelity, challenges involved in parenting or the passing of a loved one. Other types of couples may require general advice and assistance on how to improve their day-to-day interaction with each other.

This makes it imperative for the couple to be as honest as possible with their therapist so that they can determine the best course of action to advise them on. Also, clarifying their expectations with the counselor before proceeding with their therapy sessions can further enhance the Counseling experience.

A therapist is a trained professional who can offer objective insights into the relationship as well as help the couple in identifying patterns based on how they interact with each other. They coach the couple in learning effective communication skills that will help them strengthen the dynamic of their relationship. This makes it worth it for a couple to seek out relationship Counseling and share their story with the therapist.

Couples who have sought out couples therapy have discovered that there is much to learn from it, for instance, the following ;

[A] It is not about Assigning Blame :

When a couple experiences conflict in their relationship, they tend to shift towards blaming and victimization. They attend the therapist's Counseling sessions to receive a verdict from the therapist as to who is right and who is wrong in the relationship. This however is not the goal of relationship counseling. Instead, the focus is on re-establishing trust, boundaries and effective communication for the future.

[B] The Focus is on Improving Communication :

A survey in the United States has found that "communication" is the primary issue that most couples struggle with. This is the primary reason why most couples would seek couples Counseling to improve their communication. Even if the challenge was something entirely different, it has been discovered by relationship counselors that the core issue was communication or rather miscommunication all along.

There are various methods and strategies which a trained and experienced therapist can employ to help the couple learn smooth and effective communication skills, for instance speaking on behalf of the self instead of the other, asking open-minded questions, listening more rather than speaking more, taking mutually-respectful time outs, as-well-as understanding the communication style of their own and their partner. Several couples have left therapy surprised how improving their communication skills instantly improves most of their problems.

[C] It Always Starts with the Basics :

People often misunderstand couples Counseling as a quick remedy to headaches. Kind of like allopathy. Just a few sessions should be enough to solve all their issues. However, that is far from the case. The effects of therapy are felt the most when the couple commit themselves to the process over a long period of time. The expectation that a therapist would be able to diagnose the couple's deepest issues with only a single session of Counseling is not practically rooted in reality.

Rather, the initial sessions of the couple's Counseling are primarily about acquiring general information regarding the prevailing dynamic between the couple. Experienced therapists usually start their sessions by providing the couple with a simple questionnaire that they can start answering about themselves. It would require some time before the couple and their counselor can address the deepest issues at play in their relationship.

Note :- The issues usually escalate before showing any improvement during a therapy session. This usually occurs because it takes time for the couple to arrive at the root cause of their issue, which is necessary for comprehending the 'what' or 'where' of the problems they are facing so that they can start deploying strategies to mitigate them.

The primary objective here is 'awareness'. Also, if the couple begins to notice that things are getting more difficult as they continue their counseling, it is usually an indication of progress.

[D] The Therapists Serve as Active Mediators :

Unlike the popular depictions of couples' therapists seen in movies, reality may not be so similar. Many people suffer from a pre-conceived notion that couple's therapists only display positive responses to their patients, and derive conclusions that are already within the patient. Rather, the therapist can behave more vocally and interact with their patients, becoming an active mediator in the therapeutic process. They can help guide the direction of the discussion in the appropriate manner.

[E] It is about Adapting New Patterns :

One of the objectives of couples Counseling is to reorient the couple into looking at the problem from an objective standpoint. It is a matter of listening to their partners with the intent to understand the issue objectively. When a couple has been in a relationship for a significant amount of time, they can get locked into viewing the relationship in a single subjective way. With the help of therapy, the couple will be able to surpass their preconceived notions of the relationship and implement positive lasting changes together.

What Happens During Different Styles of Relationship Counseling ?

[1] Premarital Counseling :-

This type of relationship therapy is designed to help prepare couples before getting into a long-term committed relationship. The objective of this relationship is to help couples identify potential problems in their relationship before committing to a marriage, and strengthen their foundation to tackle issues more easily in the future.

Here is a list of common relationship issues that can be addressed through premarital counseling ;

(a) Family Relationships.

(b) Financial Issues.

(c) Communication Issues.

(d) Roles and Responsibilities

(e) Values and Belief Systems

(f) Sex and Level of Affection

Premarital Counseling is highly effective and a fantastic way of establishing realistic expectations and developing healthy communication skills which will turn the prospects of the marriage in a different direction.

[2] Online Relationship Counseling :-

In today's busy lifestyle, a face-to-face in-person Counseling session may not be a suitable option for everyone. In this, case resorting to online relationship Counseling can be a fantastic option for them.

Here are several reasons why people should resort to online relationship counseling;

(I) If the partners in the relationship reside in different locations :

This situation applies to couples who are either in a long-distance relationship or those who have or are going through a separation and are considering making it permanent. Online Couples Counseling allows partners to participate in sessions together especially when they live apart.

(II) If they need to travel frequently for work purposes :

This online facility enables partners to participate in Counseling sessions even when they have restricted schedules or restrictions on where they are located.

(III) If one of the partners is not comfortable with traditional therapy techniques :

Some couples find the traditional format of therapy more challenging and anxiety-inducing. In such cases, it is helpful for couples to opt for the web solution which makes relationship Counseling more flexible.

During an online Counseling session, services of online tools like chats, phone calls and video sessions help couples talk to each other as well as their therapist flexibly. Both partners prepare goals that they seek to achieve through therapy, which includes addressing problems like communication, infidelity and arguments.

How to help make the Process Effective ?

The first few sessions can be expected to be about the couple's relationship history and the problems they wish to have resolved through counselling. The therapist would ask questions about the couple's relationship dynamic, their parents, childhood and experiences they have had in their current relationship. It is also likely that the therapist would spend time talking to each participant in the relationship, privately in separate rooms.

The outcome of the therapy session will depend on the style of therapy of the relationship counselor and their therapeutic approach. The most comprehensive method of relationship therapy is emotionally focused therapy (EFT). It is based on attachment theory and is aimed at fostering healthy interdependency between different members of the couple or family. Other variations of relationship therapy include Imago therapy and the Gottman method.

Here are ways you can improve your relationship ;

The effectiveness of the relationship Counseling process not only depends on the skill and experience of the counselor but also the willingness of the couple to participate in it.

Here are some of the ways a couple can have a more effective Counseling experience ;

(i) Be Honest :

Couples seeking therapy should avoid lying to their therapist. People tend to lie when they fear getting judged. The focus of the therapist is not to judge their patient but to help them overcome the issues that they are facing. Thus staying honest only helps the therapist help you.

(ii) Be Prepared to be Uncomfortable :

Therapy can be quite an uncomfortable process for some people as they start to realize certain truths about themselves or their partner, and not all truths are going to be positive. The process of working on oneself involves acknowledging those truths and sitting there while being uncomfortable, and letting the process help them realize their need to improve and grow. The therapist acts as a guide, but ultimately it's about putting in the work on oneself.

(iii) Listen to your Partner :

No matter if the relationship Counseling session involves 2 people or a whole family, it is important for the participants to listen to what their partner or family wants to say. Remaining defensive and speaking out against everything that others have to say about you would only make the process more difficult.

(iv) Invest Time :

The therapeutic process is not limited to the therapist's clinic. The couple would be given homework and will be asked by the therapist to implement new patterns of communication and interaction in between the appointments. This is a matter of time and effort but in the end, the results are worth it. It is the work that people will put into their relationships that makes all the difference.

Best Reasons to Seek Relationship Counseling :-

Couples Counseling is designed to help those who are facing a crisis but different people have different reasons for pursuing it. Some reasons are more intense than others, but all reasons no matter how small or large are worth pursuing.

[A] Communication Issues :

The bedrock of every healthy relationship is communication. It can take place in various forms - in person, by text or over a call. One of the primary purposes of therapy is to teach the couple how to communicate with each other in a positive manner that works best for them.

The type or theme of communication that people grow up around tends to affect the communication they have in their adult relationships. Therapy enables couples to communicate consciously with each other and not fall back on what they have learned from their history.

[B] Premarital Counseling :

Couples can face issues in all stages of their relationship which is why they attend premarital counseling to discuss these issues in advance. One of these issues includes the financial aspect. For instance, questions like will the bank accounts be shared or who would make decisions related to purchasing.

Another aspect up for consideration is household duties. Do both members of the relationship want children? What role do the in-laws play in the relationship? Couples Counseling provides a safe place to discuss all these questions before tying the knot.

[C] Sexual Issues :

Sex can play two roles in a relationship. It can either be a means of bringing the couple together and expressing their love for each other, or it can be fraught with negative feelings like anxiety, embarrassment, anger and pain. Relationship counselors help couples tackle their sexual issues quite often.

[D] Infidelity and Unfaithfulness :

Infidelity is one of the most hurtful things that can occur in a relationship which can be quite damaging emotionally, but that does not mean that they would have to end the relationship.

Relationship Counseling offers couples a healing space so that they can start their journey of working towards resolving the issue. They help the couple find meaningful and practical ways to navigate through thin waters.

[E] Assistance in Managing Other Relationships :

Besides their partners and immediate family, couples also have relationships outside their partnerships. This can include friends, extended family, coworkers, children, coworkers, employers and even mentors.

The state of the relationship can either be healthy or unhealthy. In a couples Counseling session they can discuss boundaries and communication to avoid any issues arising in the future.

[F] Nontraditional Relationships :

There are also a number of non-traditional relationships such as open relationships, swinging relationships and polyamorous relationships which also undergo problems and struggles - which come with their lifestyle choices and identity. It can be sometimes intimidating for such couples to seek couple Counseling for fear of being judged or not being valued for the type of intimacy they share in their relationship.

For this reason, some relationship counselors specialize in such forms of intimate relationships. They are trained in addressing the issues and circumstances of non-traditional relationships and have a background in the same. They offer such couples an open and safe space to address the issues they are struggling with.

[G] Blended Families :

There are specific cases where one partner or both have children from prior relationships. The blending of such types of families has its struggles and challenges. Topics like individual differences, the role of the second parent, and the newfound identity of the family all need to be explored.

[H] End of a Relationship :

There is a time when a relationship has ended, whether mutually agreed or not, at this point managing life can be difficult for both individuals. A lot of these individuals require a space to vent their anger, sadness or grief. They can also be faced with practical challenges like housing, finance and children. The couple may need help agreeing on such matters which can be mediated over by the therapist.

[I] Issues of the Digital Age :

Modern technological advances, especially social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Snapchat and Instagram have given rise to an adverse change in relationships. It has infiltrated the way couples communicate with each other which has its pros and cons. Couples are often faced with dilemmas such as who to friend, who or what to like, and who to text, block or chat with.

What ends up missing from such means of communication is the tonal variations in voice and observable body language which helps convey information. This information gets diluted when communicating over online platforms. Relationship counselors can help couples work through the issues .

[J] Trust Issues :

Once 'trust' is broken, relationships are prone to be harmed and even destroyed. The foundation of any strong and healthy relationship is to have immense trust in each other. Being able to trust again can be extremely difficult for one individual in the relationship or both.

This is why returning to a sense of normalcy is a very slow and difficult process. People expect results to come fast and get disappointed when it doesn't. Counseling helps people understand the process of regaining trust by providing tools and guidance to do so.

Conclusion :-

Couples go through all types of issues in their daily lives and not all of them are related to their relationship. In some cases, trouble at work, family or health-related issues can also manifest in the relationships. Relationship guidance counseling in Fremantle can be an effective tool to address any issues which a couple is finding difficult to share. It can also help identify the precedence of such issues before they take effect .